I studied tonight, for the first time in six years. What have I gotten myself into? I’m trying to prepare for the GRE and I say “trying” because tonight was the first night of preparation. I’d like to start a master’s program in the fall and the GRE may be all that stands in my way. I’m determined to overcome my fear of standardized tests and prove to myself that I can get a good score and gain more self-confidence.
The first step: finding my motivation. I think my motivation goes into hibernation each year. I’ve been in Iowa for 5 winters now and each year it becomes more apparent how affected I am by the cold, dark days. Something inside me changes, retreats, says “NO”, and abandons me. The month of March is turning out to be the worst time. Logically, my brain tells me March should be a good month, the time when it is clear that winter is coming to an end. Alas, physically and mentally, this is not how I end up operating. I become a lump. Knitting production is fine because I’m just sitting on the couch but the rest of my life just passes by without a second thought.
If I go back to school I need to find the motivation and then find the momentum to keep it going. I won’t get a free pass that says “you don’t have to study for five months because it is winter”. In fact, during those months I’ll have to push even harder. I wonder if I’m up for it? I want to be up for it, I just have to learn how to push through the darkest days and prove to myself that I can.
I need to reflect on the things that make me happy, the things that keep me going. I need to focus and relish in those things. I need to keep my creative fire burning all year – force myself to not let my camera sit for an entire month like it did this winter; find the chocolate chips and bake something; order the yarn I keep going back to; pull out my Mom's 1969 sewing machine and make something functional, something beautiful; play more tug of war and fetch with the dogs inside; enjoy fabulous dinners with my husband; talk to my family; make buttery homemade biscuits; and continue knitting my heart out.
I think I feel this desire for motivation and momentum now because I’m finally escaping the dark days of winter. The sun is out, the wind is blowing, the flowers are blooming, grass is starting to green and the puppies are running at the park with huge smiles on their faces. All of these things make me smile and I need to find a way to hold onto them through those dark days.
How do you find motivation when times are tough? How do you pull yourself through?
Here are some recent photos I've taken during the "spring thaw of Sara". These are photos of things that helped me find my motivation and inspiration.
5 comments:
I can see why these are considered "thawing pictures". They're beautiful and represent so many of the important things in your life. :)
I hold my thumbs for you being able to find that motivation and keep at it. I think this master's would be perfect for you and wouldn't studying be a great break from working all the time?
My list of projects I want to start and get into is looong but I can't really find the motivation. I'm afraid I'll land face down again with a lack of energy so I seem to stay away from the projects I have somewhere in my head. At the back...
I know exactly how you feel. Every year I come out of winter feeling a little weaker than the year before. I don't have any great advice on how to deal, because I just muddle through.
)hug(
Congrats on going back to school!
Your pics are awesome, as usual. I have a teeny bit of trouble with the dark and cold, too, though we don't get nearly so much of it here as you do. I usually have two or three weeks of "empty," so I kind of understand what you mean. I think (and this is just what works for me) maybe you have to identify what kinds of sensory things appeal to you and make you happy--it sounds like you've done some of that here--and surround yourself with that. I painted my house a buttery yellow, and when it gets icky, I bust out my framed pictures of the Oregon Coast. I put on music that makes me feel good and have it on allll day. I try to have the TV on less. Like I said, these are all just my triggers, but they do seem to help a bit.
GOOD LUCK with the GRE! That's so exciting!
Aww, I find that puppies and kitties always help get me out of a funk! They're always so happy and loving regardless of how we feel.
Good luck with the GRE!
Hmm Sara, I have a hard time pulling myself up out of the dark places, I'm afraid. Everynight, I think--tomorrow, I'm going to do better, but I don't, I fear!! Your photos are beautiful, and I wish you the best in your studies. I know you will do great--I have faith in your motivation!
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